Who Are You. No, Really.
This is an acknowledgment to those who are regular visitors here, to those who find their way here fairly regularly in whatever time frame that happens in.
Now if you would be so kind as to just quit searching and seeking, hoping to find that one perfect elusive 'answer' that will resolve everything for you, it would be great. Nothing, absolutely no-thing will ever resolve anything for you.
In order to search, question or contemplate for or about anything there must already exist an answer within one's self. A question is merely a device for expressing that which one has decided to 'not know'. So my advice is simply this:
Go away and never come back. Stop travelling the Trail of Tears.
YOU are the answer to you.