Gathering Minds

Mass Has Weight

Mass has weight. If you’ve ever felt a dark cloud hanging over you, then you would know just how heavy the feeling is. It weighs a ton and is heftier than a load of bricks. It helps to build strong bodies 12 ways.

  1. A strong body is a desirable body. More mass means more muscle, or is it fat? I’m not quite sure…

  2. No worries! When you have a lot of mass to think about, you won’t have time for silly thoughts such as "What happens when I die" or "Where did I come from". With only one thing to think about, you’ll feel lighter than air!

  3. The more mass you have, the better you will sink into your mattress. What better way could be devised to get a good night’s sleep!

  4. You will be at one with mother nature. The more you ingest the more you become one with it. Taking on more mass means that eventually, the entire universe will be yours!

  5. Mass prevents tooth decay. Yes, it’s true. With enough mass, who cares about tooth decay. There are more important things to consider!

  6. Escape velocity. With a ton of mass at your feet, you will never, ever, have to worry about bouncing off of this planet and reaching escape velocity. Wow!

  7. Who needs an umbrella when mass will do. Just open that mass up and watch the action! You’ll be one popular fellow!

  8. Mass is sanitary certified. It will not infect or cause undo harm in any way. Who cares that it’s a lie!

  9. Why imagine a better life when mass will not only make it easily attainable, but free too! Pack your bags, because it’s a one way trip to paradise! You, and your body, will be able to soak up even more mass, all the while relaxing and sipping a cool drink poolside.

  10. Wealth means a healthy appetite. With enough mass, you could sell it off to those who don’t have enough. Just think how rich you’ll be living the life of luxury!

  11. Smooth, silky skin will be yours, and even a healthly, young glowing look that will just come over you. You will think much differently about yourself, and act that way too!

  12. You will become immune to vitamins and fresh air. All that you ever needed or desired will already be available to you. Just think about it!

 
In a truthful, full disclosure, it must be revealed that some, very slight mind you, effects may, just may, be felt. These are really nothing to worry about. Just see your local psychiatrist for your 6 month check up and all will be well. We guarantee it, or we double your mass! Free!

Happiness is just around the corner and we wouldn’t want to leave anyone out, so first come, all served! Be first, be last, or even double dip. Our shelves are full of fresh stock and you’re next. Want your share?