Gathering Minds

Getting Rid Of Theta

Theta comes in all sizes, shapes, colors, flavors and dress. Sometimes it even comes as the damsel in distress. The trouble with theta is that they stick to everything that isn’t nailed down, and many times, even that. You can’t get rid of it no matter how many washings that prevail. It’s as if it has a mind of it’s own, coming and going and going and coming. After a while, people stop looking for in the pretension that if you ignore it, it will go away. Like a bad hair day, they proclaim victory when they gather and stake their claim. It’s been said that the best way to get rid of theta is to trick people into taking it. When someone says that they don’t want any, that is the best time to give it to them, and give it to them good.

Sometimes, theta is lost when a particular arduous journey is undertaken, but for some reason, just like the plague of old, it returns in full health, ready to be realized. I’ve heard of Masters of Old retiring to caves for lifetimes in the hopes that theta will just leave them alone. Eventually, these Masters of Old just give up and open themselves to the enormous backlog that sits, begging for entry at the door of the cave. They are never the same again.

Theta creates amazing things. From sumptuous cakes to incredible fulfilling dreams, it seems to hold, and use, the keys to the universe, deftly applying techniques that only they seem to fully understand. Some people go so far as to naming their little friends. From Bill to Bob, a name has been had by all. Perhaps we should establish a name registry so that we can keep track of whose is whose. The only trouble with that idea is that theta just seems to keep hop, hop, hoping from one to the next as if everyone were their friends. What troublesome little devils!

The latest invention, in full production swing, is to give away theta in boxes of cereal. No more funny glasses, decoder rings or little plastic toys, it’s now theta in each and every box. Hopefully the production companies will be able to contain themselves by not throwing in more than what could be handled by young and old alike. The new slogan has been coined. "Theta, it’s not for breakfast anymore." Well, at least that is the slogan being considered once the cereal has been secretly entrenched into each and every home. After breakfast, the plans are to expand this devious give-a-way to include theta in perfumes, eye drops, vitamins and even hair spray. Bad hair days will be a thing of the past!

I hope that it will still be pleasant to live around here when all that theta finally gets released into the general public’s space. I mean, what then? These things multiply like mad and collect like crazy. Maybe we could ship them all out to some distant planet or something, just to get rid of them. I hope the cereal companies have this all figured out because I think that I am starting to have doubts. This could turn out to be a real mess once we become absolutely inundated with theta. No one will be the same around here and what am I going to do then? There won’t be anyone left to secretly dump theta on. I’m gonna have to figure this one out!